Official blog restart about two weeks away

Peg's "cancer numbers" are continually heading down, now at 226. She has periods of absolute exhaustion, but rallies...currently she's transforming our fireplace we've hated/put up with for 21 years with metallic paints.

Here's some weird news... I think we'll actually put out our "New Years Letter" around the new year. First time it's gone out this early in maybe ten years (it usually ships in Mid-April to early June).

Thanks for thinking of us. We'll ping everyone when the blog is really up to speed and I've committed the time to keeping it current.

Restarting the blog

First, apologies all around to those of you who have followed this blog and have seen it run out of gas. When Peg was in remission it seemed less important. When the cancer came back my heart just wasn't in it.

But there's some good news...after she restarted chemotherapy, her numbers went from almost 500 to 279 after just two sessions. We were waiting for the other shoe to drop, and are very thankful it went this direction.

This photo was taken yesterday (Thanksgiving Day) by our wonderful friend and gifted photographer Bruce Patt. We were blessed to share Turkey Day with their family, Peg's sister Jeanette's family and other friends at Greg and Jeanette's house.

Truly a day of thanksgiving.

I'm about to re-invite everyone to the blog and once again make it a living, breathing chronicle of Peg's and our family's journey. It's a flower I won't forget to water. Stay tuned.

Peggy's surgery: one year ago this week

Peg was diagnosed June 12 last year. Major surgery on June 23. Our friend Bruce Patt, who was good company in the waiting room that day, took this photo last night after dinner on our back deck.

We met with Peg's oncologist just before our Colorado trip two weeks ago, and learned that Peg's numbers were slightly elevated. Below 20 is considered normal, and Peg tested at 30. She had been as low as 5. (For comparison, when she was so ill last summer the number was close to 300).

For now, it's just a number. We see Dr. B. on July 14 and we'll see if it's trending up or staying steady. We're not freaking out, and we don't want you to, either.

We had a wonderful (but really brief) Colorado visit with Peg's (almost 90 year-old) mom and family. We wish we had more time to visit friends. Got up into the Rockies and did a little hiking around Silverthorne, just north of Breckenridge.

Peg so loves the Rockies. It was great to be back. We had to cancel attending our niece's wedding last summer, so we hadn't been there for a year and a half. Plus, according to my wife, I don't snore at that altitude.

We had great fun seeing our niece's new baby and reconnecting with everyone, but Sacramento is really our home. We've been here for 22 years and in our house for 21 years. Oh, and as long as we're counting, on August 15 it'll be the 24th anniversary of when I met Peg at our friends Kent and Diane's backyard barbecue in Denver.

I swear on my Captain Underpants secret decoder ring to be better about posting more frequently!

Beets me!

Pulled our first set o' beets out of the garden today. Peg made a killer salad with freshly plucked garden yummies and spinach. Unbelievably good. The fresh broccoli is out of this world, but soon to make way for summer crops.

Today I dug out the side of the hill with a little pathway to harvest future goodies: watermelon (2 kinds), cantaloupe (2 kinds) and pumpkin. Peg helped to dig the holes and mix in the good soil. The hill contains the crappy, clay-infested soil we replaced with organic soil a year ago and dumped into the yard. We're going to let the new crop just spread out over the hill. Probably keep a close watch on the pumpkins lest they end up rolling down to the bottom to be gobbled up by whatever critters happen to find them.

Happy Mother's Day!

Can't believe it's been a month since I last posted. Things are going well. Today was a great Mother's Day on many levels: Peg's here and healthy; the weather was cool, cloudy and perfect for gardening; and we got a great hike in at the end of the day. Zoë and I are going to give Peg a hot foot soak and leg/footie massage in a bit.

Here's Peg's video greeting to y'all and a photo from the hike, on the bluffs above Lake Natoma near Folsom at sunset.

Peg sails out of port--actually port sails out of Peg

Last week Peg's chemo port was removed. It's the lil' gizmo that was placed just under the skin near her clavicle in June. Every three weeks, from July until October, we'd trek to the infusion center where a nurse would insert a needle into the port and put Peg on a four-hour chemo drip.

We were all surprised to see this cool-looking purple anodized aluminum thing emerge from Peg's chest. The tube had been directly inside a vein that went to her heart. The three small bumps on the silicone part helped the infusion nurse find the center.

As soon as we went out to the front yard to take these photos Peg noticed how closely the color matches the lavender petals.

Peg's going to incorporate it into some cool sculpture. For now it lives on the kitchen counter where we all play with it.

More beach photos

As promised, more photos from our beach trip (courtesy of Chris Andre). Peg found a live sand dollar, which we've never seen in our 22 years of living in California. I think that says a lot.

'Twas a delight to see Zoë, Camille and Marie thoroughly enjoying the beach. Our two families also had a great time hanging out at the campsite. Because the weather cooperated, we never had the chance to hole up in the Andre's pop-up tent trailer and play cards, so tonight we went to their house to play Pinochle. Peg won. She's on a roll... first cancer, then Pinochle... I think she's headed next for world peace.

Life's a beach

Spent three days at Sunset State Beach, just south of Santa Cruz, with our dear friends the Andre family (Paul, Chris, daughters Camille, age almost 15, and Marie, 11). Same folks we camped with at the same spot a year ago, just before our roller coaster ride.

We all felt that this was a momentous trip. Completing a cycle. Getting back to a point where a camping trip is normal, fun and doable after our "lost summer."

Chris took some great pictures, which I'll post over the next few days. But for now, here are a few glimpses. Watching the sunset from the hill above the beach... Zoë, Marie and Camille in the giant hole they dug at the beach... Zoë at the bottom of the hole, almost six feet down. Those girls were relentless.

Our spot was at the edge of strawberry fields, at the bottom of a hill and protected from the wind. After an entire year, we really enjoyed getting the cab-over out of mothballs and back on the truck. More to come... stay tuned.

Peggy, the silver fox

Spent a little time in the garden today with Peg. Winter vegetables are finally starting to take off-- broccoli, kale, beets and onions (or "unnuns" as we call them at our house). Cabbage, not so much.

But the flowers... wow. It's been in the 70's and sunny every day and they're as happy as we are. We have a hot date this afternoon... actually a threesome. Our partner is John Deere. Yep, that John Deere. They make tractors, but more importantly, all kinds of tubing, emitters and sprinklers. Getting the yard geared up for new planting before it gets too hot.

Speaking of things growing... here's the long-awaited photo of my sweet wife with her soft, minty-fresh hair! We're going camping next week with our friends the Andre's, the same folks we were with when the photo at the top of the blog was taken. Same place, Sunset State Beach, and same time of year. We're so used to seeing Peg with no hair, or short hair, it's hard to remember that last year she had so much hair.

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. Zoë just finished Science Olympiad, which has kept her incredibly busy on top of swim team practices and meets. I've been wrapping up some major design projects I thought were close to completion last time I posted. Peg's been meditating every day and attending a small dance/movement group for cancer survivors every Tuesday evening.

She gets in a good long walk every day but still has to pace herself. Saturday she saw Zoë compete in two Olympiad events at Sac State, so she was on her feet for over two hours plus an hour roundtrip drive. She was pretty woofed after that.

Not much else to report. We're changing our diets... gradually. Peg's leading the charge. More fresh fruits and vegetables, more organic produce, less animal fat. Stopped microwaving food in plastic containers. Even Meat Boy just has a steak once a month or so. We're looking forward to getting a lot of our food directly from the garden, and inundating our friends with tomatoes!

Good news, good numbers

CA-125 is more than a California Interstate highway (actually, there isn't one by that name). It's the marker for ovarian cancer. And Peg was tested for it last week. "Normal" is below 20.

Peg's number is five.

On Wednesday, we see Dr. B. for our quarterly check-in. As wonderful as she is, we're thankful to see her just four times a year after seeing her every three weeks from June through December.

A quick capsule of what life is like here these days:

Zoë is on her high school swim team and practices 2 1/2 hours a day, six days a week. Plus Science Olympiad Thursdays from 6-8pm. Sunday morning's sleeping in is a treasured experience.

I just wrapped some major freelance projects and Peg and I are turning our attention to planting blueberry bushes and doing some long-neglected repainting. We had dual-pane windows installed five years ago and still haven't even primed the trim around the sliding door to the deck.

Peg is happy. A lot. Visibly, "hey, you're spilling some happy on the floor, better grab a paper towel before the tile blisses out" happy. She just really appreciates being alive in a way I, who've never been gravely ill, have never experienced. I would do well to see the world the way she sees it now.

She gave Zoë her first driving lesson in the Prius, in our ginormous high school parking lot. We're already talking about a car next year. Even though she knows I'm joking, I never fail to tweak Zoë by mentioning that her first car should really be my truck. Hey, it's a Ford F-250 crew cab with an extended bed and a V-10! And it weighs 6,300 pounds! Ya want big and safe, here it is!

Aaaaahhhh, not so much. Probably looking at a 10 year-old Beetle. She wants to paint it yellow and purple. Hell, why not? The world's a wee bit too beige.

I'll snag a photo of Peg and post it soon. Her hair is really cute, and she looks radiant.

A time to slow down

Peg's been reading "The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have" by Mark Nepo. There's a quote she told me yesterday as we did our daily morning "checking in" that helped me, as I hope it helps you.

I've got some heavy responsibilities with my design work. Panicky clients, jobs that are taking far more many hours to complete than I estimated, immovable and looming deadlines.

When I told Peg what I had on my plate for the day, she smiled and opened the book, and read this to me:

"Unless someone is bleeding or can't breathe, unless there is some true physical requirement to act swiftly, a sense of urgency is a terrible illusion, a trick that happens, again and again, because life inside our skin and outside our skin are forever different."

Though it's not helpful, practical or useful to carry the unseen weight of "urgency," I do it more often than not. But we've been through true urgency this summer... and seeing Peg's serene face and bright eyes is my reminder to keep everything else in perspective.

Peg's first trip to SF in eons: blogging from the road

Spent the day in San Francisco. Zoë's off this week. Spent some time in Japan Town and got some gnarly, strange snacks at a store that was started by the owner's Japanese grandfather in 1907. Dried whole anchovies, several packages of strange snackety things, and (see photo) cuttlefish jerky. Soft and stringy. We finally had to put the damn bag away-- could not stop eating it. Munching down dried cuttlefish in a motel room with my girls. This is the life!

One of our favorite haunts is the Exploratorium, a wonderful hands-on science museum at the Palace of Fine Arts (where Janis Joplin was famously photographed with her psychedelic Porsche). Peg rested in the car, walked around the reflecting pool and read while my little scientist and I had a blast inside. Nothing like a Tuesday afternoon in the middle of February to keep the thundering horde at bay. Felt like we had the place all to ourselves.

Staying up here in Corte Madera, just north of The City.  Big pool with a hot tub. Peg's first foray into a public pool since early June. The hot water started bugging her feet (neuropathy), but we had fun.

Tomorrow we'll do a morning swim, then head up Mt. Tamalpais for a hike of undetermined length. Peg's idea. If she gets poohed, she can always sleep on the way back to Sacramento.

(A) Happy Valentine's Day

Zoë was off skiing with our friends the Andre's today and tomorrow, so Peg and I had the house to ourselves. It was a great day, but did not involve cards, chocolate or roses. Sometimes just sharing moments and getting stuff done is more memorable and meaningful than the "Hallmark holiday" stuff.

We planted a blueberry bush and some Scottish moss, and pulled up a bunch of weed mat so the Vinca Minor could take root and spread more easily. It was in the upper 60's today and absolutely glorious to be outside.

At sunset, we took a fairly long hike just off the American River on a mountain bike trail and saw about 20 turkeys flying up into a tree for the night. The best part of the hike for me was that Peg had the oomph to do it. There were times this summer when she couldn't even get up out of the chair to get a glass of water, or would have to lie down after eating anything. Seems like a lifetime ago.

Noticed a change in me today. When we were doing yard work before Peg was diagnosed, we sometimes bickered over how to do this or that. Getting bogged down over who was "right" about the details, versus just enjoying the collaborative process. Today, Peg was just so happy to be alive, and to be present with me in our work, and I really got it. It's not about the task, or doing it exactly the proper way, or even how long it takes. It's about being present and taking it all in.

And what a lot to take in... 68 sunny degrees, our neighbor's grilled chicken odor wafting into our yard, wildflowers blooming in February, laughing and holding hands with my wife... what's not to like?

Peg pilots the mighty F-250

I've had meetings in Midtown this week, 17 miles away, so I've been taking the Prius. Peg's been the captain of my giant truck (F-250 crew cab, extended bed. Basically the biggest frickin' thing you can buy from Ford unless you get a "duelie" with four rear tires).

She can even back the beast into the driveway in one pass without nuking the mailbox. Yay!

The truck's name is Meatloaf. My previous truck, an F-150 was Beefer. All my vehicles (and there have been perhaps 15-20 of them) have been boys. Don't know why, and can barely remember their names: Animal, Willard, FunFunFun ('55 T-bird), LaBamba ('60 Chevy convertible), Dweezil, Buffalo, Astro, Rocket, Ödvar, Bosco...

Making plans for a short getaway to San Francisco next week while Zoë's off school for the first Spring Break. Yes, they have two of them, just a few weeks apart. I don't know why. We'll stay in Corte Madera, just north of The City, and take the ferry across. One day via ferry and buses, one day with our own wheels. This is our first big family trip out since Peg was diagnosed, seven months ago Friday.

She's quite the furry thing. Would be quite a hoot to take her portrait every day from the same angle and edit all the photos together in sequence. My wife, the chia pet. Judging by her hair's thickness and coloration, fun/wacky hair days await. She's at the cusp of just being out there in the world sans wig or cap... she looks good. Slap on a pair of big earrings and voila', she could be mistaken for a New York magazine fashion editor.

The big hike

Just a few photos and a bit of video from our hike today. Peg's brother Mike, Jeanette's husband Greg, Zoë and I launched over our back fence and wound our way down to the lake along the creek, about a half hour walk. Peg, Jeanette and Marianne took the fire road overlooking the lake and met us where the trail opens up between the hills at water's edge.

Peg made the climb and not insubstantial hike, no problem. My girls did crash pretty hard later in the afternoon. They napped while I did a bike ride. Sixty-four unbelievably sunny degrees here today.

In about a month we'll venture down the hill again to see the wildflowers. We hope Peg will be strong enough to hop our fence and go the back way with us. She's growing eyebrows and hair like crazy, so stamina can't be far behind!

The first video is when we stopped to look at the deer and explore Zoë's hideaway, the bamboo forest. The second video is the panorama view Zoë took just after we headed back after checking out the lake. For those of you in the area, this is just behind the first set of hills east of the Hazel Avenue bridge.

It's all relative(s)

We've been enjoying Peg's older brother Mike and younger sister Marianne, who've been here since Thursday night. Before they fly back to Denver tomorrow afternoon we're going to make a lot of blueberry pancakes, whomp 'em down and take the hike from our back yard to Lake Natoma. I'll post some pics, and maybe some video. Peg's going to sit out the 25 minute scramble over hills, rocks and creek beds. Long road back from major surgery; she's come a long way in six months but is more easily poohed out than before. 2010 is a rebuilding year.

Top picture was taken about 4:00 this afternoon on the banks of the American River. Bottom picture was taken when Peg was 15 or 16. From left to right, back row: Jeanette, who lives here in town; Jay, who's in Denver; Mike and Peg. Front row: Gene, Lee and Marianne. Jeanette is four years older than Peg, Mike is two years older, Marianne is six years younger. Fun to see little Marianne compared to her giant siblings, and now they're all peers.

We followed up our hike with crab legs at Greg and Jeanette's house, then fun conversations in front of a roaring fireplace. When I married Peg, I got these other great people in my life as a bonus. How cool is that?

Peg's wiggin' out!

In a good way. She went with our friend Mary to get her chemo wig trimmed up and styled and wore the durn thing for the second time since we bade her hair farewell.

They saw "It's Complicated" at the theater and went to Trader Joe's (cool specialty grocery store, for those reading this outside of California). Peg said it was really different to be in public and not getting second glances, especially from kids who can tell when something's a bit off.

Just the opposite for Zoë and I. We're so used to seeing her sans hair that the wig threw us for a loop when she came home. Costume party moment.

It's all relative. Peg has a really nicely shaped head. Seriously. Looks perfectly fine bald or with her new downy bird feathers. But you've got to have the right head for the bald look. I've seen a lot of fellow male customers at the supermarket or a gas station who look like Manson wannabees or nazi skinheads, with lots o' moles, folds, ditsels and bumps... totally creeps me out. They may be fine upstanding citizens, but the look says, "Priors... Arrest warrant...Restraining order... Tweaker... Aryan Brotherhood... ewwwwwwwwwwwww.

Peg's hair growth seems to be exponential. Every day brings another fresh crop. Fun to watch.

A "welcome back" for Peg

One of the many ways we've been blessed is becoming friends with the parents of Zoë's kindergarten and soccer classmates. We've all watched our kids grow up together. I can't imagine not knowing them... a lot of great memories.

Today they threw a "welcome back" luncheon for Peggy. Thought y'all would get a kick out of this-- Peg's mouse pad. The photo was taken during a volunteer day around Halloween when our girls were in the second grade. Geneva (possible mouse pad perpetrator) and Jade (willing participant/teutonic warrior and possible mouse pad perpetrator) accompany Bad Teeth Peg. Peggy's got a really nasty set of fake joke teeth that look pretty real. And she's not afraid to use them.

Growing up in a small Nebraska town, I really appreciate that we have a lot of the same experiences in a metro area bigger than Denver. Zoë will graduate with a lot of the kids she went to kindergarten with. And Peg and I have a rich history with them and their parents.

We don't really need a mouse pad, the optical mouse works with or without one. But we keep using this one because it makes us smile.

Farewell to Christmas... in late January

Seemed like a good idea at the time... whack the tree into small chunks in the living room to avoid dragging the carcass through the house with the accompanying trail of needles.

Turns out the moment it knows it's a goner, the thing spews needles like you wouldn't believe. My look of triumph was short-lived-- spent a lot of time extracting tree remnants from the carpet.

Note to self: next year, wrap the thing in plastic tarp and muscle it out to the driveway before dismembering it.

Had two fun family walks today. The first when it was raining like hell and blowing gale-force winds this morning. Amazing how many times an umbrella can turn inside out and still function. The second when all had calmed down and we were digging the cool orange ethereal sunset.

Zoë and I went for the puddles, she in flip-flops, me in Vibram Five-Fingers (foot gloves). Peg, not so much.

Tomorrow is Peg's first visit to the oncology infusion center for "non-treatment." Just flushing out her sternum port. No chemo, no drugs, no big deal.

Putting the wheelchair up on Craig's List. Only had to use it once, in August, to get her from the car to the infusion center. So thankful to put the thing up for sale without a second thought.

Mmmmm... hair....

The new family activity is rubbing Peg's head. Enjoyable for the "rubber" (ooooh, it's soooo soft!) and for the "rubbee" (mmmmmmmmmmm).

Today we took Zoë and her friend Jessica to the midtown Sacramento skating rink. For those of you from out of the area, it does not get cold enough for water to freeze here; the city closed off a street and allowed a company to create a rink there. Yep, they even have a Zamboni, though it was a little overkill for such a small area.

Getting more distance from "Cancerland." Peg's getting her port flushed on Tuesday, and we see her oncologist in mid-March. This is precisely where we like to see the "Big C": in the rear-view mirror, getting smaller and smaller.

Our own personal Chia Pet

It's official... Peg's sprouting soft, downy hairs from her sweet, sweet head. Got a few long survivors from the summer's hairy ordeal (yeah right, Pun Boy), but this week her 1/8" mane has gotten noticeably longer.

We've heard that post-chemo hair grows in differently than pre-chemo. I'm picturing Peg three years from now with a caucasian "Angela Davis" style ginormous white afro. Riding a tiger. Wearing a leopard skin bikini. I'll do a painting on black velvet of the whole effect... how could I not?

Peg's got a big ol' mole on the side of her head, about half inch around, that our family doc is burning off tomorrow. Totally foils my plan of drawing spider legs around it with a Sharpie marker. I was thinking Peg could do a social experiment at the grocery store by letting me do the spider thing and not wearing a cap... and then catching passersby in the act of staring at it. "Hey, waddayou lookin' at, pal?"

She'd be unlikely to do it, and it's a moot point after tomorrow, but Peg is far more fearless than she was before June 12. It wouldn't surprise me if she actually went for it. Life 2.0.

Harry Potter and a Midnight walk in the fog

This was the first Harry Potter film we hadn't seen in the theater ("The Half-Blood Prince"). Zoë had seen it twice and swore she didn't want to see it again-- too much omitted from the book, and "too much snogging." We were, um, a bit busy this summer, but having seen it I think it's just fine on DVD. I agree with our daughter-- too many dramatic pauses, artsy-fartsy lighting and snogging, not enough adherence to the book.

Speaking of which, Peg and I learned a new Zoë fact-- she's read all the Harry Potter books anywhere from 5 to 9 times, depending on the book. She can connect all the dots from anywhere in the series, referencing every hint and foreshadowing and how it resolved. No wonder the movies bug her. This one left out some key plot lines that are resolved in the last book. Doh!

The fog had rolled in while we were watching the movie, so we took a 12:30am stroll in the pea soup afterward. Really fun and beautiful. Reminded me of when we first moved to Sacramento in 1988 and would drive around in the fog for hours, listening to Patrick O'Hearn (atmospheric electronica) on the cassette player in our '85 Honda Accord.

My favorite part of the walk was coming back to our house. I'd left the Christmas lights on (yes, we have... um... plans... to take them down before next week). There's something magical about soft glows that reveal themselves the closer you get.

So long, 2009... hello, 2010

This New Year feels different from every other one. This isn't just a progression from one year to the next, it's a radical departure from every year that's come before. More gifts, more realizations, more opportunities and more reasons to be thankful than we could have imagined just six months ago.

Celebrated New Years Day by seeing "Avatar" in IMAX 3D. Peg's first time, our second (and I suspect there's a third down the road for me). Had a wonderful dinner tonight at the home of our friends and another family who we'd planned to camp with in June and who canceled the trip when Peg was diagnosed. Plotted and planned some summer vacation that's pretty close to home and that doesn't involve camping, maybe renting a big house in Carmel for an extended weekend.

Other than "mystery trip #3" we're planning on going to Colorado in June (using up the tickets we couldn't use for our niece's wedding last summer) and camping in Carlsbad, California on the beach with some old, dear friends in late July. Peg will probably bail about four days in and visit her cousin in Huntington Beach while Zoë and I wrap it up at the beach. She's got a lot more energy than two months ago but is a long way off from where she was before she was diagnosed. Stronger than she was this summer but still fragile compared to where she was prior to June 12, which is our family's 9/11.

Happy New Year. Here's to new beginnings for all of us.