A time to slow down

Peg's been reading "The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have" by Mark Nepo. There's a quote she told me yesterday as we did our daily morning "checking in" that helped me, as I hope it helps you.

I've got some heavy responsibilities with my design work. Panicky clients, jobs that are taking far more many hours to complete than I estimated, immovable and looming deadlines.

When I told Peg what I had on my plate for the day, she smiled and opened the book, and read this to me:

"Unless someone is bleeding or can't breathe, unless there is some true physical requirement to act swiftly, a sense of urgency is a terrible illusion, a trick that happens, again and again, because life inside our skin and outside our skin are forever different."

Though it's not helpful, practical or useful to carry the unseen weight of "urgency," I do it more often than not. But we've been through true urgency this summer... and seeing Peg's serene face and bright eyes is my reminder to keep everything else in perspective.

Peg's first trip to SF in eons: blogging from the road

Spent the day in San Francisco. Zoë's off this week. Spent some time in Japan Town and got some gnarly, strange snacks at a store that was started by the owner's Japanese grandfather in 1907. Dried whole anchovies, several packages of strange snackety things, and (see photo) cuttlefish jerky. Soft and stringy. We finally had to put the damn bag away-- could not stop eating it. Munching down dried cuttlefish in a motel room with my girls. This is the life!

One of our favorite haunts is the Exploratorium, a wonderful hands-on science museum at the Palace of Fine Arts (where Janis Joplin was famously photographed with her psychedelic Porsche). Peg rested in the car, walked around the reflecting pool and read while my little scientist and I had a blast inside. Nothing like a Tuesday afternoon in the middle of February to keep the thundering horde at bay. Felt like we had the place all to ourselves.

Staying up here in Corte Madera, just north of The City.  Big pool with a hot tub. Peg's first foray into a public pool since early June. The hot water started bugging her feet (neuropathy), but we had fun.

Tomorrow we'll do a morning swim, then head up Mt. Tamalpais for a hike of undetermined length. Peg's idea. If she gets poohed, she can always sleep on the way back to Sacramento.

(A) Happy Valentine's Day

Zoë was off skiing with our friends the Andre's today and tomorrow, so Peg and I had the house to ourselves. It was a great day, but did not involve cards, chocolate or roses. Sometimes just sharing moments and getting stuff done is more memorable and meaningful than the "Hallmark holiday" stuff.

We planted a blueberry bush and some Scottish moss, and pulled up a bunch of weed mat so the Vinca Minor could take root and spread more easily. It was in the upper 60's today and absolutely glorious to be outside.

At sunset, we took a fairly long hike just off the American River on a mountain bike trail and saw about 20 turkeys flying up into a tree for the night. The best part of the hike for me was that Peg had the oomph to do it. There were times this summer when she couldn't even get up out of the chair to get a glass of water, or would have to lie down after eating anything. Seems like a lifetime ago.

Noticed a change in me today. When we were doing yard work before Peg was diagnosed, we sometimes bickered over how to do this or that. Getting bogged down over who was "right" about the details, versus just enjoying the collaborative process. Today, Peg was just so happy to be alive, and to be present with me in our work, and I really got it. It's not about the task, or doing it exactly the proper way, or even how long it takes. It's about being present and taking it all in.

And what a lot to take in... 68 sunny degrees, our neighbor's grilled chicken odor wafting into our yard, wildflowers blooming in February, laughing and holding hands with my wife... what's not to like?

Peg pilots the mighty F-250

I've had meetings in Midtown this week, 17 miles away, so I've been taking the Prius. Peg's been the captain of my giant truck (F-250 crew cab, extended bed. Basically the biggest frickin' thing you can buy from Ford unless you get a "duelie" with four rear tires).

She can even back the beast into the driveway in one pass without nuking the mailbox. Yay!

The truck's name is Meatloaf. My previous truck, an F-150 was Beefer. All my vehicles (and there have been perhaps 15-20 of them) have been boys. Don't know why, and can barely remember their names: Animal, Willard, FunFunFun ('55 T-bird), LaBamba ('60 Chevy convertible), Dweezil, Buffalo, Astro, Rocket, Ödvar, Bosco...

Making plans for a short getaway to San Francisco next week while Zoë's off school for the first Spring Break. Yes, they have two of them, just a few weeks apart. I don't know why. We'll stay in Corte Madera, just north of The City, and take the ferry across. One day via ferry and buses, one day with our own wheels. This is our first big family trip out since Peg was diagnosed, seven months ago Friday.

She's quite the furry thing. Would be quite a hoot to take her portrait every day from the same angle and edit all the photos together in sequence. My wife, the chia pet. Judging by her hair's thickness and coloration, fun/wacky hair days await. She's at the cusp of just being out there in the world sans wig or cap... she looks good. Slap on a pair of big earrings and voila', she could be mistaken for a New York magazine fashion editor.

The big hike

Just a few photos and a bit of video from our hike today. Peg's brother Mike, Jeanette's husband Greg, Zoë and I launched over our back fence and wound our way down to the lake along the creek, about a half hour walk. Peg, Jeanette and Marianne took the fire road overlooking the lake and met us where the trail opens up between the hills at water's edge.

Peg made the climb and not insubstantial hike, no problem. My girls did crash pretty hard later in the afternoon. They napped while I did a bike ride. Sixty-four unbelievably sunny degrees here today.

In about a month we'll venture down the hill again to see the wildflowers. We hope Peg will be strong enough to hop our fence and go the back way with us. She's growing eyebrows and hair like crazy, so stamina can't be far behind!

The first video is when we stopped to look at the deer and explore Zoë's hideaway, the bamboo forest. The second video is the panorama view Zoë took just after we headed back after checking out the lake. For those of you in the area, this is just behind the first set of hills east of the Hazel Avenue bridge.

It's all relative(s)

We've been enjoying Peg's older brother Mike and younger sister Marianne, who've been here since Thursday night. Before they fly back to Denver tomorrow afternoon we're going to make a lot of blueberry pancakes, whomp 'em down and take the hike from our back yard to Lake Natoma. I'll post some pics, and maybe some video. Peg's going to sit out the 25 minute scramble over hills, rocks and creek beds. Long road back from major surgery; she's come a long way in six months but is more easily poohed out than before. 2010 is a rebuilding year.

Top picture was taken about 4:00 this afternoon on the banks of the American River. Bottom picture was taken when Peg was 15 or 16. From left to right, back row: Jeanette, who lives here in town; Jay, who's in Denver; Mike and Peg. Front row: Gene, Lee and Marianne. Jeanette is four years older than Peg, Mike is two years older, Marianne is six years younger. Fun to see little Marianne compared to her giant siblings, and now they're all peers.

We followed up our hike with crab legs at Greg and Jeanette's house, then fun conversations in front of a roaring fireplace. When I married Peg, I got these other great people in my life as a bonus. How cool is that?

Peg's wiggin' out!

In a good way. She went with our friend Mary to get her chemo wig trimmed up and styled and wore the durn thing for the second time since we bade her hair farewell.

They saw "It's Complicated" at the theater and went to Trader Joe's (cool specialty grocery store, for those reading this outside of California). Peg said it was really different to be in public and not getting second glances, especially from kids who can tell when something's a bit off.

Just the opposite for Zoë and I. We're so used to seeing her sans hair that the wig threw us for a loop when she came home. Costume party moment.

It's all relative. Peg has a really nicely shaped head. Seriously. Looks perfectly fine bald or with her new downy bird feathers. But you've got to have the right head for the bald look. I've seen a lot of fellow male customers at the supermarket or a gas station who look like Manson wannabees or nazi skinheads, with lots o' moles, folds, ditsels and bumps... totally creeps me out. They may be fine upstanding citizens, but the look says, "Priors... Arrest warrant...Restraining order... Tweaker... Aryan Brotherhood... ewwwwwwwwwwwww.

Peg's hair growth seems to be exponential. Every day brings another fresh crop. Fun to watch.