Keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times

Round three of chemo has been tough so far emotionally for Peg. We weren't prepared for that aspect, naturally focusing on the physical effects, but it's just as important. 

Friends brought us dinner, company and a fun TV show on DVD tonight. Helped turn things around. 

This is apropos of nothing, but a friend shared it with me this morning and I got a good laugh out of it.  It's a quote from Oscar Wilde: "Be yourself.  Everyone else is already taken."

Protein Packin' Peggy

Mahalo to our friend Ted in Maui, who steered us away from the "steak in a  can" stuff from Carnation.  Peg's doing much better with smoothies-- yogurt, almond milk, frozen fruit and protein powder from GNC.

When I brought this stuff back from the store, none of us could believe how huge the package is.  Four  one-cup scoops is 720 calories, 13 servings in a container.  (I didn't Photoshop in the crepe myrtle trees behind my truck-- they're in full bloom and we're really enjoying them).

Peg's rounding out her diet with the wonderful food our friends bring by and has a good appetite.  

Today's chemo went well.  Outpatient for this round, and probably the next two. She got a shot to boost her red cell count, which will help her energy level, which is already better than it was a few days ago.

Peg and I were talking in the car on the way back to the house about how much it means to have so many people keeping her in your thoughts and prayers.  We are truly blessed having you in our lives.

Zoë started 9th grade today

Zoë and I spent a fun two hours yesterday at our neighborhood Starbucks with our friends Bruce (who took this photo), Mary, daughter Julie and Eddie, The World's Officially Cutest Dog.  This was the day before our daughters entered high school.  

Unseasonably cool weather for Sacramento, perfect for reflecting on life and enjoying one of its gifts-- a long and rich history with friends of many years.  Mary spotted Peg when she and Zoë were at a neighborhood coffee shop twelve years ago, when our identically aged squids were tiny... introduced herself, and the rest is history.  So glad Peg had a hankerin' for a mocha that particular day.  Can't imagine not knowing these wonderful folks.

Zoë's doing well with braces and doesn't complain.  I'll be honest-- if I had braces, I'd be whining all the time and you'd be plenty tired of hearing about it.

Wednesday is Peg's halfway point for chemo, third of six.  We'll keep you posted.

Headed in the right direction

Peg was able to handle multiple visitors today and even suggested we do a sunset walk at Lake Natoma, about two miles  from our house.  It was stunning.  NIce delta breeze, just chillaxing (as Zoe would say), watching the geese coming in to roost for the night.

She's definitely a creature of habit these days, by her own admission.  Disruption in the routine we've cobbled together as a family  the last two months stresses her out and drags her down.  No California State Fair this year for the Pegster-- we'll do our traditional family portrait for our New Year's letter at the local WalMart, where they have photo booths just outside the store.

She's  starting to put weight back on, and has a bit more energy, but has a deep and aching desire for this to just be over and done with.  It's a grind for Peg, and for Zoe and I as well. Looking forward  to  mid-October, when the last chemo is done and we're off to who knows what but it's better than this.

As Cap'n Jack Sparrow said at the end of "Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl": 

"Bring me that horizon."

Skinny, sweet and scrappy

Every day is different, but in a very different way than it was before Peg was diagnosed.  I think we often take for granted just how different every day holds the possibility of being.  What is a "normal" day, anyway?  I can barely remember what our lives were like before June 12.

Take for example a "routine day." Routine is a relative term.  Often she'll wake up early, say 5am, and camp out on the living room couch, fall into a deep sleep until 8:00 and be very alert for awhile.  One constant is that if  she overexerts herself, she needs a long rest before she can rally again. Generally, later in the afternoon she's more alert and engaging.  We have dinner early and go for a five or ten minute walk if Peg's up for it. And our family ritual before bed is watching "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart."  That's a "normal" day.

She's thin as a rail, but of course smart as hell and focused like a laser beam on keeping track on her caloric intake. She manages to take  in over 2,100 calories a day in that long climb to get back to her normal weight.

This morning before Zoe woke up we took a walk around the park that's two blocks away from our house.  She had to rest at a picnic table halfway around, and the walk pretty much knocked her down until early afternoon.

She thoroughly enjoys visits from friends.  It's hard for her to focus on reading (or even listening to music or watching TV) for more than a few minutes, but having a good friend drop by for conversation, a hand massage or being read to is an experience she engages in on a whole other level.  Kind of a crap shoot as to how long the visit lasts-- when she's poohed, she's really and thoroughly depleted and hopes you understand when she says, "I really need to stop now and rest."

Her attitude is good, and her weight has stabilized.  We're going to start shifting her from emergency-nutrition processed food--the high-calorie "steak dinner in a can" stuff--to more balanced smoothies less loaded with high fructose corn syrup and the other nasty crap she's put up with to keep her weight from going into freefall.

If anyone has held back on calling Peg because you don't want to be intrusive... please call.  I'm self-employed so I'm usually here to shag calls, and if she's not in a good place to talk, I'll let you know.  But she really appreciates connecting with y'all.  916-965-1950. Just be prepared for a short visit, although if  she has the energy, she can chat for a bit.

 

First time in a restaurant in two months

Our friend Mary suggested lunch after taking Peg to her blood draw/analysis... and took her to a great burger place in Granite Bay (Habit).  Not only did Peg have a burger and onion rings, but I was the beneficiary of the four leftover rings.

Here's the straight scoop on onion rings.

If they're crappy, you've gotta eat 'em hot or they'll congeal and turn into inedible goo.  These rings were cool but still incredibly tasty. The mind reels at how good they must have been fresh out of the fryer. Methinks a field trip to Habit is definitely in our future.

Peg's energy is trending in the right direction and her appetite is on the upswing.  We need to work on the exercise part of the program, just managed a short stroll in front of the house tonight.  Living the "box of chocolates" life... you never know what you're going to get.

2,100 calories a day

That's 600 more than the average woman takes in.  It's what Peg has to whomp down to climb back up to her normal weight... a long 15 pounds to go.

Thanks for your many entertaining and fun suggestions on how to do what we're all programmed as adults to avoid.  We're trying not to rely too heavily on dairy, which is the go-to food group for weight gain.  I would hoover down fettucine alfredo all day long, but Peg can't handle large quantities of really fatty stuff.  She paces herself, eating every two hours or so and keeping track of her caloric intake.  She's been very conscientious about keeping well hydrated.

Tomorrow the UPS guy will drop off 24 eight ounce cans of the Mother of All Nutritional Supplements: Rambo.  (Okay, they don't call it Rambo.  I'm a marketing guy, and that's the name I picked for it).  Carnation makes a back-room, CIA clearance-required, stand back and shield your eyes version of their liquid instant breakfast drink: 560 calories in one can.  Booyah.  We're hoping this will reverse the trend of Peg dropping about a pound every few days.

Also tomorrow: our friend Mary takes Peg to the oncologist for a blood draw/analysis; Zoë and her Auntie Jeanette head up to the hills to the Yuba River for a day of swim fun; and I head downtown to take publicity photos of Sacramento's mayor, Kevin Johnson, as he records a video at my friend Bill's production studio.

Every day is absolutely and entirely different.  Looking forward to the structure of Zoë being in school and Peg and I getting a firmer handle on the rhythm of cancer recovery.  We've literally had to reinvent our lives in just 58 days, so once in a while I just have to sit on my ass, stare at the garden, and let it roll over me... and let go.

A core belief of Buddhism is that attachment is the root of all suffering. Not just attachment to things, or people, but to expectations.  Of how things "should" go.  Or what "should" happen next.

I don't belong to any particular religion, including Buddhism, but their approach as I understand it has been immensely helpful to me.  Release is a good thing to do a lot of.  

Being mindful.  Breathing deeply. Taking in simple things.

Pretty amazing what 58 days will do.